The End

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The End

Post by Alexios Komnenos on 2008-07-30, 16:07

THE END - a story by Alexios


The sky was gray and foreboding. It had not begun to rain, but the wind had without a doubt picked up, scattering falling leaves across the lawn. Buildings surrounded the quiet park, giant behemoths of glass and steel, cold, gray like the stormy skies, they loomed over the small park, as an icy chill swept through the air.

Nobody was outside, because the buildings were warm and comfortable, and skywalks conveniently linked the buildings, meaning it was rather pointless to venture outside, with the imminent possibility of becoming drenched.

Nobody but one man, dressed in a fancy suit, with fine Italian loafers, and dark sunglasses, in spite of the cloudy day. He had raven hair, an aquiline nose, and piercing eyes. He was not tall, but had an imposing demeanor nonetheless. In his obscenely expensive car, he had pulled up to the building, and quietly left the car, allowing his driver to go and find a parking space.

Upon entering the building, the secretary instantly looked up. “You’re Mark Sivas?” She waved her pen. “Proceed up the elevator, please. It will take you to the correct floor, as always”

Sivas did not reply to her, instead walking briskly to the elevator. He pressed a button. The elevator rapidly rushed upwards, before smoothly coming to a stop at his desired floor.

The door opened. Sivas walked down the hallway, warily looking around. His demeanor had suddenly changed. He seemed nervous, hurriedly walking now, almost running toward the door at the end of the hallway, his destination.

He swung open the door. The office inside was empty, and instead, he was simply looking out a window, one at a much higher altitude than the one he was supposed to be at. The familiar desk, the comfortable chairs, the shelves, everything, was gone. Gone. He whirled around, but he had no time. A massive force collided with him, sending him staggering backwards. He found himself rammed up against the window, which shattered strangely easily. The next thing he knew, he was falling through the air, experiencing the most eerie feeling of total weightlessness as he plummeted 46 stories headfirst to his death.

The impact was instantaneous, and fatal. Mark Sivas didn’t even realize he had hit the pavement before his entire skull was shattered, and his brain utterly destroyed.

Back in the main lobby, the secretary picked up her cell phone, dialed ten numbers, and spoke into the receiver. “I did as you asked. Now where’s my money?”

A quiet laugh echoed through the empty lobby. “Look under the desk, why don’t you?” A booming voice commanded her.

She searched around under the elaborate hardwood desk, but only found a single, commonly and cheaply produced lighter. She picked it up, looking at it quizzically. “There’s no money here…” She said, fear creeping into her voice.

“I’ve re-worked the ventilation system to draw air out, and odorless, tasteless, colorless natural gas into the room. You cannot escape. Now, I’m leaving you with one choice. If you wait, you will eventually die painfully, after there is no more air in the room. If you ignite the lighter, you will die instantly, but you will never know if you could have somehow escaped. You have about… erm… ten seconds, I calculate.” The disembodied voice laughed, and then hung up.

She took a deep breath, noticing how little oxygen came in. She ran for the door, but it was locked. She tried the elevator, noticing how each breath became more and more difficult. She looked at the lighter, and pushed the gears. A single tongue of fire wavered there for a second, and then the entire lobby vanished in a wall of flame.


Last edited by Alexios Komnenos on 2008-07-31, 06:30; edited 4 times in total
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Alexios Komnenos
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Re: The End

Post by Alexios Komnenos on 2008-07-30, 16:10

Any comments on how I can improve are welcome. I will shortly post this in the .commie, so if you see any silly mistakes, please tell.

It may seem rather senselessly violent right now, but that will not be the overall theme of the story.
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Re: The End

Post by Seleukos of Olympia on 2008-07-30, 17:27

No obvious mistakes that I can see. Interesting setting. Although the 10 seconds part seems unrealistic, the secretary might not have thought so.

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Re: The End

Post by Alexios Komnenos on 2008-07-30, 17:30

yes, it is, but the secretary obviously wasn't thinking, and it doesn't take that much gas to make a big explosion.
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Re: The End

Post by Seleukos of Olympia on 2008-07-30, 17:43

For the explosion, yes. But to suffocate it would take a lot of minutes. Even if the concentration of the gas was already pretty high, she would have been able to hold her breath for about a minute.

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Re: The End

Post by Alexios Komnenos on 2008-07-30, 17:51

yeah. I'm saying the explosion was perfectly legit, the story about 10 seconds before you start choking to death wasn't at all.
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Re: The End

Post by Volksie on 2008-07-31, 00:34

It's good but the secretary appears to accept the fact she is going to die very well. Perhaps she could wait until the gas starts to effect her breathing and then hit the lighter?
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Re: The End

Post by Alexios Komnenos on 2008-07-31, 06:31

I added a little of her panicking and trying to find a way out, and running out of air.
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Re: The End

Post by Volksie on 2008-07-31, 06:54

That's better. She's got a bit more to her now.
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Re: The End

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