My sentimental side

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My sentimental side

Post by Volksie on 2008-04-16, 02:16

Okay. This is a soppy story i wrote and i need help with a title. Some people here may recognise the highly generic character names i use *cough Simon cough* but that's just how i write. Feedback is always appreciated but i'm mainly looking for a title if anyone can help. (Can't be bothered spacing it out after i copied and pasted it)

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On the coast lived Ann and Simon. They had been best friends since they were very little and were hardly ever apart from each other. Then, just a week after Simon’s tenth birthday, Simon’s parents told him they were moving across the ocean.
Simon and Ann walked along the beach they had played together on for most of their lives. They threw stones into the ocean to see which of them could throw the furthest.
“I will throw a stone into the ocean every day,” Ann told Simon. “Until there are so many we can walk across the ocean and play together.”
Later that day, at the airport, Simon hugged Ann goodbye and got onto the plane with his family. Ann went back down to the beach and threw the first stone into the waves.
She came back all of the next week and all of the one after, everyday throwing another stone, just as she had promised she would do. Then one day, after her twelfth birthday, her family moved away from the coast and Ann stopped throwing the stones.
Fourteen years later, Ann, a successful young business woman, returned to her home town and wandered the streets. An unsuccessful relationship haunted her and she felt disillusioned with her life.
She walked down to the beach and thought of how she had thrown the stones everyday for two years and a smile spread on her face. The days of her youth had been happy and trouble-free. Ann stood knee deep in the water and threw a stone into the waves, just as she had done all those years ago. She watched it form ripples on the surface where it had landed before a wave washed away all sight of the sinking stone. Ann continued to watch and was about to turn away when the surface of the water broke again. Out of the water came the head of a dolphin, its eye turned towards her in fascination.
“Hello,” Ann said and held out her hand to the dolphin. “My name is Ann.”
“I am called Alika,” the dolphin said and nuzzled Ann’s hand. “You are the one throwing stones into the ocean. It has been many years since you last threw stones here.”
“You remember me?” Ann asked. “I was just a child back then. My friend Simon went across the ocean and I thought I could reach him by making a bridge of stones,” Ann laughed.
“The ocean is very large and very deep. Even if you threw stones for the rest of your life you could not reach your friend,” Alika told Ann.
“I know that now,” nodded Ann.
Alika nudged Ann’s leg slightly. “I could carry you across the ocean,” Alika suggested.
Ann laughed at the suggestion. “Don’t be silly.”
“Don’t laugh,” said Alika seriously. “Do you believe me?”
Ann stuttered. “I... I could believe you. Would you take me?”
“You must hold tight,” Alika told Ann firmly. “It is a long way.”
Ann cast aside the doubt adulthood had given her and did as Alika told her. Soon they were riding through the waves away from the coast. The cool air brushed Ann’s face and she couldn’t help smiling at the beauty of the open sea. Many hours later Alika told Ann that she was tired.
“There is a small island nearby where we can stop,” she told Ann.
Alika turned towards the island and Ann climbed off the dolphin to wade in the shallow water surrounding the strip of land. Ann watched as Alika swam about happily a few metres away.
“How much further is it?” she asked Alika.
“We still have a long way to go,” Alika replied. “But I am tired and don’t think I can make it all the way.”
“I am a bit tired too,” Ann said thoughtfully. “Perhaps I will lie down on the beach and rest a while.”
Ann climbed up out of the water and walked to the sandy island beach. When she found a spot sheltered by a tree she lay down underneath it and very soon her eyes began to droop. When she woke up again it was dark. Ann began to look for Alika, but could not find the dolphin. She started to worry and circled the small island a few times to see if Alika was swimming around the outside. Still there was no sign of her friend.
Ann sighed and sat down in the sand. She was tired again and would have to wait for Alika to return before she could leave the island. Once again, Ann fell asleep and dreamed happily. Morning came and Ann stretched with a yawn. Her eye caught a movement out to sea and she stood up, expecting to see Alika swimming towards her.
The shape moved in closer to the island and Ann squinted to make out what was coming towards her. It was a dolphin, but it was not Alika. The dolphin stopped near the beach and, to Ann’s surprise, a man was clinging to the dolphin. He stumbled out from the water and grinned as he saw Ann. A smile broke across Ann’s face as she recognised the boyish features of Simon grown into those of a young man.
“I threw stones everyday for two years, just like I said I would,” Ann told Simon joyously.
“So did I,” said Simon, equally as happy. “But then I stopped,” Simon said as he tried to think of the reason why. “I guess I felt silly acting like a child.”
Ann nodded her agreement. “Perhaps it is more foolish to reject your childhood than to embrace it.”
Simon thought on these words for a moment before grinning again and splashing Ann with sea water. Ann cried out in protest and chased him into the waves. The dolphin who had brought Simon frolicked nearby and soon Alika joined in the fun.
For the next day and night the group spent the time playing and having fun on the island and when it came time to leave they parted sorrowful that the time on the island had ended, but with the memories of it still fresh. Alika and Ann swam back to the beach where they had met and parted their ways.
Ann walked along the beach with a smile; a changed woman, connected with her childhood by eternal love and the will to change her life set like a rock in her mind.
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Re: My sentimental side

Post by Kasey on 2008-04-16, 12:16

what about....

"Dont trust dolphins, they are all fucking perves"

?
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Re: My sentimental side

Post by Alexios Komnenos on 2008-04-16, 13:00

Ann and Simon: A story of two friends and their pet dolphins
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Re: My sentimental side

Post by Volksie on 2008-04-16, 19:23

You guys are hopeless.
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Re: My sentimental side

Post by Seleukos of Olympia on 2008-04-17, 03:03

Hehe!

How about "To bridge an ocean with stones" or something?

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Re: My sentimental side

Post by Percy13 on 2008-04-17, 03:12

The aroma of fish.
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Re: My sentimental side

Post by Kasey on 2008-04-17, 09:35

at least mine had bite.
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Re: My sentimental side

Post by Raja Sagan the Caker on 2008-04-17, 09:55

how 'bout...

'innocence lost'

'a tale of porpoises that talk'

'to bridge the sea'

'what i wrote on drugs'

'happiness and regret'

'riding on the sea of life'

'of creepily telepathic dolphins'

??

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Re: My sentimental side

Post by Seleukos of Olympia on 2008-04-17, 10:03

'Stoned at sea'

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Re: My sentimental side

Post by Raja Sagan the Caker on 2008-04-17, 10:06

i was wondering, if she was so exhausted by the time she got there, how did she make it back home after only a short respite?

(that's excellent sel - perfect!)

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Re: My sentimental side

Post by Kasey on 2008-04-17, 10:07

"Disguise-artist-Rapist escapes"
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Re: My sentimental side

Post by Volksie on 2008-04-21, 00:19

It was meant to be a kid's story, but then i realised that everything i write is too adult.


This is the heavily edited version. I had to really cut back on the sex scene.
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Re: My sentimental side

Post by Raja Sagan the Caker on 2008-04-21, 12:45

i don't see why sex is inappropriate for minors, they'd likely be healthier if such a vital bodily function wasn't hidden from them until it was too late and they had to navigate it's treacherous waters unaided...

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Re: My sentimental side

Post by SBman on 2008-05-07, 00:54

a title eh??.. how about "soliloquy of the aussie"?? classic laugh
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Re: My sentimental side

Post by Raja Sagan the Caker on 2008-05-07, 00:55

NECROPOST!!!

CLOSED

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Re: My sentimental side

Post by SBman on 2008-05-07, 02:08

BOO!! tongue
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