STRANDED!!!

View previous topic View next topic Go down

STRANDED!!!

Post by Volksie on 2008-02-26, 05:22

Inspired by Strohble's Banished thread in Serious Discussion and a true story. Join in boys! (oh but no rape, orgies or godmodding armies. I will edit mercilessly.)



1000 kilometres from the nearest sign of life and the boat had hit a rock. Now the two dozen or so people on the boat were left stranded on this island. As we watched the boat slowly sink into the water I turned to the guy next to me on the beach and asked him what he had in his hand. By his accent i judged him to be South African and his magnificent red beard was amazing to look at.

"It's a Swiss Army Knife," he said and proceeded to show me all of the different utilities in his handy little knife. "My name's Akbar," he then said and i shook his hand and told him my name. "Volksie, ay? Well what did you bring with you?"

I pointed to Raja and called him over. "We were holidaying together and, when the captain told us to abandon ship and to only grab one thing, i grabbed him." Akbar nodded and we watched as the remaining people dragged themselves out of the water. Captain Alexius called out to us and we gathered around him. His American accent was easy to pick up.

"Sorry bout that everyone!" He said, sorrowfully. "Didn't see that rock."

"What now?" A full-bearded Turk called out.

"Well we're sort of cut off from the world, so all we can do is wait and hope someone passes by and picks us up." The captain said. "Is anyone here a famous politician, celebrity or anything that will be missed back home?"

Silence greeted his words and an embarrassed cough from up the back somewhere.

"I was a big fan of Muse," one person called out.

"I know a shitload about the Byzantines," another said.

"That's not really what i was looking for," Captain Alexius said, crestfallen. "Well... how about we all get to know each other over a nice cup of salt water and take a tour of the island? I'm sure there'll be some lovely sites to see and whatnot. We could even go for a swim later."

A cheer rose at the mention of a swim and plastic cups were handed around (which one person had thoughtfully gabbed hold of on the ship before it sank) and we marched down to the ocean and scooped up some water. A toast was proposed and the cups were downed joyfully.

Perhaps our time here would be quite enjoyable.
avatar
Volksie
Admin - Beardlord
Admin  -  Beardlord

Number of posts : 2526
Age : 26
Registration date : 2008-02-13

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: STRANDED!!!

Post by Big Daddy 1204 on 2008-02-26, 06:20

Hehhe, good stuff Volksie! I enjoyed reading that! Very Happy
avatar
Big Daddy 1204
Who cares about titles? Let's go talk about 5th c. AD Roman ceramics!
Who cares about titles? Let's go talk about 5th c. AD Roman ceramics!

Number of posts : 1301
Age : 30
Location : London
Registration date : 2008-02-13

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: STRANDED!!!

Post by Kasey on 2008-02-26, 09:46

I sat on the beach staring miserably at the sea. A cup of salt water in one hand, and my rubber duck in the other.

“I never did like sun holidays”

I said to no one in particular, but some thick bastard still insisted on shoving his stupid nose into my busy, big and ugly his nose was, anyway this guy obviously was unaware that I was not talking to him, so he foolishly tried to initiate a conversation,

“Really? I always quite liked beach holidays. You see where I’m from its very cold and wet, so I like the change”

I sighed, it seems I was going to have to persuade him to leave,

“Oh right? How incredibly interesting. Please I’m almost slightly excited to learn more about you…”

“Oh great!” he enthused, “Well my name Is Kublai! And I’m from Scotland!”

Well that at least explained why he was wearing a skirt, the silence stretched between us uncomfortably,

“Well I said I think I may go erm... swim now. Nice to meet you skirtman…err I mean Kublai” with that I moved off towards the sea, at least I could use my duck now I thought brightly.
avatar
Kasey
Knight of Kydonia - Beard-at-arms
Knight of Kydonia - Beard-at-arms

Number of posts : 2614
Age : 25
Location : West Country, England
Registration date : 2008-02-13

View user profile http://hs.facebook.com/profile.php?id=711615734

Back to top Go down

Re: STRANDED!!!

Post by RedAkbar on 2008-02-26, 12:38

Damn, I'm stuck on an island with several dodgy looking people, and the only female is my sister. *Sigh* If only incest wasn't an "Americans Only" pasttime.

Mind you, that one Greek bloke looks like he might be hiding something. He seems intelligent (says he's an astrophysicist) but there's something about the way he walks. The movement of his hips are... alluring. If it wasn't for his beard, I'd think he was... no that's not possible. Still, There's Something About Seleukos...

Then there's the Germano-Mexican firefighter with the bum leg. What the hell do we need a firefighter for? It looks unlikely that any of these fools are able to light a match, let alone a fire. Still, Strohble seems like a reasonable guy. Pity no-one thought to grab some beer. Hell, even Fosters would do.

And whats with the Turkish guy? He keeps playing with his dingus when he thinks no-one's looking! And then he wants to shake my hand! Hell no! Still, his massive beard is full of dead insects and stuff, so if I get hungry I can just forage there. Hell, I think there's even a beehive in there! Honey!

The Aussie and the Indo-Canadian are weird. They keep kissing each other, while whispering about "cake" and "icing" What the hell? And the scottish bloke keeps lifting his kilt and chases a guy called Bob around the beach. I'd better steer clear of those nutters.

It's time to go brush my beard. I'll be back soon.


Last edited by Akbar on 2008-02-26, 13:07; edited 1 time in total

_________________
*Burp*
avatar
RedAkbar
Admin - Beardlord
Admin  -  Beardlord

Number of posts : 1187
Age : 34
Location : Cape Town, South Africa
Registration date : 2008-02-12

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: STRANDED!!!

Post by Seleukos of Olympia on 2008-02-26, 13:03

Just perfect! I'm stuck on some god-forsaken island with a bunch of weirdos! I overheard some of them talking during the cruise, and they don't even like math! I shudder at the thought of what we'll be talking about until we get rescued...

The water's too salty, we've already run out of disposable paper cups, unless someone comes up with some brilliant recycling scheme, like washing them in the sea, and now it appears I've been sitting on a trail of ants. I quickly swept them off, but I keep imagining there are some still on me, crawling under my pants.

What's that red-bearded guy staring at now? I'd like to see how he'd like it if there were tropical ants inching their way towards his ass. Still, there's no telling for how long we're gonna have to survive here, so I'd better start making friends. The captain looks like a decent enough fellow, although not in the best of moods. I'll try to cheer him up. Then maybe we can talk about how to make the best out of this situation. Besides, I've got something that will make our stay on this island a lot easier. I've got a hammock!

_________________
'Tis better to admin in the Defenestrated than serve in the .commie
- John Milton, before being defenestrated
avatar
Seleukos of Olympia
Admin _- Beard-at-arms
Admin _-  Beard-at-arms

Number of posts : 2964
Age : 37
Location : Edmonton, AB, Canada
Registration date : 2008-02-13

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: STRANDED!!!

Post by Alexios Komnenos on 2008-02-26, 13:30

I looked around the island for some sort of food, while mulling over the fact I had failed in my head.

Had not I been distracted at that moment, we'd still be sitting on our boat, drinking mojitos and glogg (I always keep a supply) and with not a care in the world.

But, we were castaways, shipwrecked on a desert island. "Hey, everybody, gather around!" I yelled at the mottled gang of passengers.

"Our first priority is to get food. That'll be made easier by the fact I brought an AK-201, the finest in the Murmansk Sunset arsenal, silenced, recoiless, and armor peircing. And even when we run out of bullets, it has a bayonet which will come in handy as a knife.Do we have anybody here who can kill a sea turtle at 5 feet?" I looked around. No hands raised, but Aruchu, who I assigned the AK-201. He set off to find sea turtles crawling ashore that we could kill and make a meal out of.

"Second, we need entertainment, as half of survival is pschological..." Bob raised his hand wildly. "Never mind, I take that back." I said with a humorless laugh.

"So, we need to find a supply of fresh drinking water. and make a fire. Sadly, nobody was smart enough to bring flit I see, so Strohble will be in charge of starting the fire..."

He screamed.

"Or Tombles."

"Everybody else either gather firewood, look for a fresh water source, or do Man vs. Wild stunts like eating goat testicles." I commanded.
avatar
Alexios Komnenos
God-Emperor of the Fora

Number of posts : 4986
Age : 67
Location : Deleting the Chatbox
Registration date : 2008-02-12

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: STRANDED!!!

Post by Tombles on 2008-02-26, 13:50

So there I was, sitting on the island, minding my own business, when suddenly this boatload of OTHERS appeared. Seriously, you'd think they'd have the common decency to get marooned on their own island. Getting stranded on the same island I'd got stuck on was gate crashing, really. And they were a week late, too. It really wasn't nice of them.

Still, I'd watched them all as they walked onto the beach that first day, and they didn't seem all that bad. That Greek bearded lady, she seemed nice enough. And- wow, those were two fine chins of hair I saw in the distance. I could really get used to them. I gnawed on Craig's leg thoughtfully. It was a shame about Craig, but really, if you're going to rant about missing Hollyoaks 24 hours a day for a whole week, and look so deliciously cookable, what can you expect? He did taste VERY nice with parsley.

So I'd gone and joined them, pretended to be part of their ship's crew and all. They were all too embarassed that they didn't recognise me to realise I was lying. And so I got put in charge of keeping the fire lit, a surprisingly difficult job, considering that strohble guy kept pouring buckets of water over it. Very inconsiderate of him.

I took the opportunity to listen to keep an eye on some of them more closely. A tin hat glinted in the midday sun, and faintly I heard someone underneath it complaining about how 'the government could still reach our minds here'. Odd guy. And next to him, an Aussie and an American were having a conversation about some 'Red Midget'. Or was it 'Scarlet Dwarf'? I forget. But anyway, I was totally unprepared for what I was about to see

There, standing proudly on the beach (well, chasing after some weird skirted guy), was someone I recognised instantly. Was it? Yes, it was! My favourite love-cousin, a sadist who would ever have a place in my heart. I almost ran across to greet him, but it was then I noticed The two guys next to him comitting... unspeakable acts. "Who're they?", I asked Strohble. "Oh, Bob and Shirley", he replied. "Don't mind them. They get a little exciteable. Don't mention cake".

And so there I was, stuck with all these odd people, without anyone to eat. I'd eyed up a few of them, but they all seemed to have brought guns with them, for some inexplicable reason. They just take up room you could fill with rubber duckies, if you ask me.

This didn't seem like a great place to stay in, so I'd have to work out how to escape. I reached into my pocket, searching for my cigarettes. Accidentally, I pulled out my private jet. Well that was just great, wasn't it. No fags, AND having to carry some giant metal thing around in my pocket all day? Pah, well I wouldn't any more. I threw it over my shoulder into the lagoon and sat back down to think of a way out of here...

pig
avatar
Tombles
Beardknight
Beardknight

Number of posts : 2987
Age : 26
Registration date : 2008-02-13

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: STRANDED!!!

Post by Alexios Komnenos on 2008-02-26, 13:57

Tombles - you only get one thing...
avatar
Alexios Komnenos
God-Emperor of the Fora

Number of posts : 4986
Age : 67
Location : Deleting the Chatbox
Registration date : 2008-02-12

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: STRANDED!!!

Post by Cogre on 2008-02-26, 14:11

So, The crash sucked ass. But at least I am out of that damn classroom. Looking around at the motley crew assembled around me I am grateful to find a mad Aussie who can converse with me on the finer points of having a group Rimmer around.

Out in the distance I saw one of the oddest sights. A freak with a tin cap and an AK trying to shoot turtles. I hope he kills one soon I am famished.

Another sight soon distracts me, a guy trying to start a fire while muttering to himself that his job is to put fires out.

I am starting to wonder about the lunatics running around trying to ... what did they call it?... oh yeah, cake each other. Lost it already, such a shame.

_________________
avatar
Cogre
Beware the power of the ogre Admin! - Beard-at-arms
Beware the power of the ogre Admin! - Beard-at-arms

Number of posts : 4486
Age : 46
Location : San Jacinto, CA USA
Registration date : 2008-02-13

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: STRANDED!!!

Post by Big Daddy 1204 on 2008-02-26, 16:30

*strolls out of the forest, clutching a text book on 12th century Byzantine history*

Hey! If we're going to survive on this island, we need education! Who wants to be my student?

*Silence*

Oh, ok.... I'll just go gather firewood then.... :p
avatar
Big Daddy 1204
Who cares about titles? Let's go talk about 5th c. AD Roman ceramics!
Who cares about titles? Let's go talk about 5th c. AD Roman ceramics!

Number of posts : 1301
Age : 30
Location : London
Registration date : 2008-02-13

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: STRANDED!!!

Post by Volksie on 2008-02-26, 23:58

Volksie's Journal- Day 1, third hour stranded here on this island.

After the brief party on the beach and a stimulating conversation about British Sit Coms with an American named Cogre, i decided to take a tour of the island. The island was covered in lush jungle so i rolled up my ssleeves and grasped my thongs tightly with my toes. Taking a deep breath i plunged into the greenary and the noise from the beach was quickly but off by the thick trees.

In moments i was lost and my shirt had disappeared somewhere. I noticed it missing and looked around for it, backtracking the way i had come. I found a long thread of cotton on the ground and followed it. After a few metres i found it wrapped around a tree. Realising that i must have been walking in circles around the tree as my shirt unravelled i threw down the thread and hoped no one had seen me wandering in circles.

Suddenly, i was grabbed from behind by two large natives. I called out deperately before they shoved a rag in my mouth and dragged me away through the trees.
avatar
Volksie
Admin - Beardlord
Admin  -  Beardlord

Number of posts : 2526
Age : 26
Registration date : 2008-02-13

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: STRANDED!!!

Post by Raja Sagan the Caker on 2008-02-27, 00:41

the Lord of teh Fora

The other people on this island are wierd, thank the gods I have my Volksie ... and a discreetly hidden 12oz flask of vodka.

Speaking of Volksie, I wonder where he's wandered off to. How could my lurv have abandoned me with these cretins? I suppose i shall have to 'engage' them at some point anyways, and now is as good a time as any.

I cast my eyes across the beach, shielding my eyes against the blinding tropical sun as the heat sucks the energy out of my body. The rest of the party is lying about singly, in couplings, and in threesomes - jesus how do they do that in this sun?! Hmmm, perhaps i should wait until they're all done...

Realizing that my attire is completely unsuitable for this tropical clime i go off into the nearby jungle to look for some leaves and vines. quickly fashioning an improvised serong of palm leaves - with a hidden pouch for my flask of course, I come back onto the beach, looking like a fully-fledged indigene, stripped to the waist and moist with sweat. Hmmm, if only I could find Volksie right about now...

A sudden cry catches my attention, and i look over to see a crazed sex maniac running towards me yelling, a fully bearded Turk behind him doing something i can't quite make out. Whatever they are doing I am sure i don't wish to be a part of it, and i turn and make a beeline for the safety of the trees. Once in the cooling shade i just keep running, deeper and deeper into the darkening jungle...


Last edited by Raja Sagan the Caker on 2008-02-27, 06:58; edited 1 time in total

_________________
IN THE NAME OF ST SEL, PATRON SAINT OF THE DEF!!!!

"I must have some booze. I demand to have some booze."
"I feel like a pig shat in my head."
avatar
Raja Sagan the Caker
Minister of Icing - Beard-at-arms - Demigod - Admin
Minister of Icing - Beard-at-arms - Demigod - Admin

Number of posts : 4869
Age : 28
Location : The Land of Ice and Snow
Registration date : 2008-02-12

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: STRANDED!!!

Post by Aeraaa on 2008-02-27, 05:06

?Suddenly, the sea waves have brouht out the body of a half-naked man. He stands up and looks around trying to understand where he is. Soon, another man approaches him:
-Hi I am BigDaddy. What's your name?
-I...I dont remember. I dont even know where I am and what I'm doing here. I feel totally confuzed...
-Dont worry, you'll get used to it. Now, shall I talk to you about 5th century Roman ceramics?
-If you like.
Suddenly, the strange man's eyes fall into a man holding an AK and wearing a tin hat chasing turtles. After seeing that, he screamed:
-Damn Italians! They are attacking our positions! Rest easy my friend. I will not let them penetrate our lines!
-What? BigD questioned
-Dont worry. These cowards will get routed with a successsful counterattack. Hold on I see more of them lying on the ground, some on top of the others. I think that's their camp. Fear not, my friend. I know what I must do. The fascism will never prevail!
Suddenly, he grabbed an oar lying beneath him and he charged at them screaming like a madman a strange cry that sounded like:
-AEEEEERAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
avatar
Aeraaa
Ungodly Defenestrated

Number of posts : 1423
Age : 34
Location : MY ISLAND!!!
Registration date : 2008-02-14

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: STRANDED!!!

Post by Big Daddy 1204 on 2008-02-27, 06:35

I watched in horror as the crazed man with the oar charged towards the camp. Screaming like a madman, and brandishing his fearsome weapon high above his head, he looked like a tribal beserker in full flow. I cried out a desperate warning to the camp, but they did not hear me....

Bursting into the scene, Aeraaa charged furiously at the nearest Turk, swinging his oar like a massive double-handed sword. Leaping aside deftly, Sipahi escaped a pounding by a matter of inches. The two then began a strange and exciting dance, circling each other as Aeraaa attempted to bring his oar to bear. Astonished, the others stood watching a moment, before some of them charged forward to join the fight. Quickly, Aeraaa was overwhelmed and brought crashing to the ground.

But at that moment, a sudden and terrible sound roared out of the jungle. A crazed, wide eyed man came running from the jungle, looking like a fully-fledged indigene. His face looked familiar, but it was what came behind him that grabbed my attention.

"RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!" he yelled. In hot pursuit, there followed a stampede of terrifying animals that appeared to be some form of amphibious Elephant. Trumpeting and roaring fearsomely, the Elephants crashed out of the jungle, rampaging into the camp and tossing men into the air like rag dolls....

Quickly, I consulted my Byzantine text book. Were these the feared and terrible beasts that I had read about? I was sure a 9th century Byzantine author had mentioned them somew... *ARGHHHHHHH!!!*

And then all was darkness...
avatar
Big Daddy 1204
Who cares about titles? Let's go talk about 5th c. AD Roman ceramics!
Who cares about titles? Let's go talk about 5th c. AD Roman ceramics!

Number of posts : 1301
Age : 30
Location : London
Registration date : 2008-02-13

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: STRANDED!!!

Post by Kasey on 2008-02-27, 12:25

I turned round, and my mouth dropped open like a blue whale's amongst plankton. There, just out of the tree line was my beautiful lover/cousin. His face surrounded by beautifully conditioned blonde hair which fell like a waterfall down the sides of his face.

I leapt to my feet, my knees were weak with love and joy. All my thoughts of thumbscrews had been replaced by his face, and, of course, his thumb. The burning heat of the sand felt like the eternal flames of love (or was that hell?) burning my soles (get the pun? Im SOOOOOOO witty =P) Suddenly he turned his head towards me, and his hair span behind him, like a lion's mane on speed. We ran towards each other, across the burning sand, I opened my arms to embrace him, and felt cupid's stine fall on my head. 'Hang on!' I thought, 'Didnt Cupid use a bow and arrow? Oh dear' I thought as I saw the dented coconut role along the beach, not good. My last thoughts before I slumped into unconcioussness were of Tombles, a bowl of fruit, and a bookmark.
avatar
Kasey
Knight of Kydonia - Beard-at-arms
Knight of Kydonia - Beard-at-arms

Number of posts : 2614
Age : 25
Location : West Country, England
Registration date : 2008-02-13

View user profile http://hs.facebook.com/profile.php?id=711615734

Back to top Go down

Re: STRANDED!!!

Post by Raja Sagan the Caker on 2008-02-27, 12:36

I ran until my lungs felt like giving up, and my legs were heavy as lead, till my heart felt like bursting and my head throbbed painfully.

I'd been loping swiftly through the jungle minding my own business, when suddenly i ran smack dab into the midst of an elephant flotilla. My scent must of enraged them for they bellowed madly - shaking the trees and sending cascades of crowing parrots across the sky - and stampeded. Some of the more thoughtful ones managed to decide to gore me and bore down on my - relatively - fragile frame.

I made a rightabout face, and dashed back into the woods - the enraged elephants on my heels sending the occasionally tree flying over my head. Behind me whole ecosystems and sophisticatedly urbane ant communities (this wasn't a typical island) were annihilated as the elephants pounded through.

At last i broke out onto the beach and yelled "Run for Your BLOODY Lives!!", before dashing through the bewildered party and making my way off down the beach. I ran for my life, but the thudding and trumpeting - and screams - slowly faded into the background noise of surf and parrot calls.

Finally, i collapsed into a grotto and fell asleep on the cool shaded rocks, staring off into the azure bay as it pounded itself into foam along the shore...

_________________
IN THE NAME OF ST SEL, PATRON SAINT OF THE DEF!!!!

"I must have some booze. I demand to have some booze."
"I feel like a pig shat in my head."
avatar
Raja Sagan the Caker
Minister of Icing - Beard-at-arms - Demigod - Admin
Minister of Icing - Beard-at-arms - Demigod - Admin

Number of posts : 4869
Age : 28
Location : The Land of Ice and Snow
Registration date : 2008-02-12

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: STRANDED!!!

Post by RedAkbar on 2008-02-27, 12:43

I could hear people shouting in the jungle. I wanted so badly to investigate, but I had inexplicably gotten my beard tangled between some mussels and abelones. Captain Komnenos had rushed to my aid, but an octopus had taken hold of his modstick, severely hampering his rescue efforts. Oh well, I suppose the two greeks will help us out, once they finish drawing ridiculously intricate diagrams of their rescue plan in the sand. Jeez, those people...

_________________
*Burp*
avatar
RedAkbar
Admin - Beardlord
Admin  -  Beardlord

Number of posts : 1187
Age : 34
Location : Cape Town, South Africa
Registration date : 2008-02-12

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: STRANDED!!!

Post by Tombles on 2008-02-27, 13:12

Ok, I'd changed my mind about this island. This wasn't awful, this was perfection. Me and my lovely *cough* cousin *cough*, my knight in shining armour, my perfect muse, running towards each other across an open beach. Our arms were outstretched, filled with the joy of finally seeing each other again after all these long seconds...

Suddenly, he disappeared from sight. I stopped, confused. Was that Aruchu guy playing with my head again just so I'd buy one of those stuipd foil hats? No, wait, I could see Kasey's body lying there on the ground, drooling slightly. My first thought was what on earth could have happened. Well, actually my first thought was 'not the first time I've seen him doing THAT', but then I realised there wasn't any fruit. I ran the last few metres over to him (taking a quick break to eat a rather convenient coconut that just happened to be lying there on the ground).

Something seemed to be wrong with him, but I couldn't quite figure out what. Something might have happened to his head, but I couldn't see because there was this big purple bruise in the way. How odd.

A shadow passed over my field of vision. I looked up, and saw a large man with a club.

"Careful with that, you might do someone an injury", I said. And that's when he smashed me over the head.

Uncaring swine.

pig
avatar
Tombles
Beardknight
Beardknight

Number of posts : 2987
Age : 26
Registration date : 2008-02-13

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: STRANDED!!!

Post by Seleukos of Olympia on 2008-02-27, 13:19

"...and so this is how we can use the rising of Betelgeuse in the winter solstice to determine our exact latitude!"
The man with no memory, whom we had taken to calling Aeraaa, looked dumbfounded. It was good to see one of my countrymen in this desolate place. He even seemed interested in my displays of astronomy.
"So... how will this help us to get off the island?"
"Help us do what?" I looked at him in confusion. Just then we heard shouts and the red-beard approached us.

"There's weird stuff going on in the jungle! We should do something!"
"Do something? We are doing something!"
I drew a circle in the sand, with a smaller circle within it.
"You see, the big circle is the island; the smaller circle is the jungle. Whatever is in the jungle is confined to its area of activity, which is denoted by the small circle. Our area of activity, however, is denoted by the big circle which engulfs their own. Whatever is in the jungle is a mere subset of our environment, and therefore we need not worry about it."

The red-beard, Akbar, stared at me.
More shouts came from the direction of the jungle, crying 'they're coming for us! we're doomed!'
He rolled his eyes and turned away.
"Well", I continued, "now that he has his answer, what do you know about the precession of the equinoxes?"

_________________
'Tis better to admin in the Defenestrated than serve in the .commie
- John Milton, before being defenestrated
avatar
Seleukos of Olympia
Admin _- Beard-at-arms
Admin _-  Beard-at-arms

Number of posts : 2964
Age : 37
Location : Edmonton, AB, Canada
Registration date : 2008-02-13

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: STRANDED!!!

Post by Alexios Komnenos on 2008-02-27, 13:30

The elephants were everywhere. They had scattered our camp like leaves upon the wind. And I could hear the war-cries of natives all around us. Would we all die here? Not if I couldn't help it.

I ran up to Aruchu and took the AK-201 from him, loading a fresh clip into it. Sighting in at 100 meters, I took careful aim at the lead elephant, firing a single unranium slug into a weak point on his thick skull. And the next, and the next, until untold thousands of elephants lay everywhere, floating gently out to sea, rolling with the waves.

Then, we had to deal with the natives. I gathered everybody I could find, and the huddled behind me, the guy with the gun. Sad thing was, I only had two clips left. Shooting 100,000 elephants expends ammo quite fast.

"Everybody find a makeshift weapon!" I yelled as slingshot and arrows flew around us. However, I was to be disappointed. Everybody tried to pick up another person. "That isn't living!" I handed the bayonet to Sel, who was busy planning, and the AK-201 and ammo to Strohble.

For me, I grabbed the octopus by the throat and recovered my modstick. Then, we remaining Defenestratii charged towards the savage natives.

It was a disaster. Not one of us escaped being beaten unconcious except me and Sel, and Areaaa, who beat back a native with an oar. But the rest of us were bound and dragged away. I made pursuit, using my modstick to pick off the natives who lagged behind. Sel and Areaaa stayed on the beach and punched numbers using a calculator made out of shells and the beach as paper. Hopefully they would come up with some type of solution soon.
avatar
Alexios Komnenos
God-Emperor of the Fora

Number of posts : 4986
Age : 67
Location : Deleting the Chatbox
Registration date : 2008-02-12

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: STRANDED!!!

Post by Cogre on 2008-02-27, 15:26

(man that was funny Sel , a mere subset...)

So, I was busy looking for another person to bother with inane chatter when the heard of elephants runs past followed by natives. Frozen in my steps I look around and try to find help. Seeing three people try to fight with one oar made me realize that I was on my own.

Slowly coming to some time later being carried away by two scary looking natives on a pole I realize I didn't fight well at all. How embarrassing. And I am supposed to be a veteran.

_________________
avatar
Cogre
Beware the power of the ogre Admin! - Beard-at-arms
Beware the power of the ogre Admin! - Beard-at-arms

Number of posts : 4486
Age : 46
Location : San Jacinto, CA USA
Registration date : 2008-02-13

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: STRANDED!!!

Post by Big Daddy 1204 on 2008-02-27, 17:53

Darkness. The sound of the waves gently lapping upon the shore. The feel of the cold earth on my face. All was quiet. Slowly, I realised that I was still alive.

I opened my eyes. It was dusk. Flattened trees and broken branches lay scattered everywhere. The scene was desolate. I neither saw nor heard any sign of human activity.

Where was everyone? Why was I lying here on the ground? I tried to lift myself off the ground and stand up. My limbs were stiff and my body ached. I stumbled forward. Flashes of memory crept into my confused mind.

ELEPHANTS RAMPAGING!

Suddenly I remembered everything. The fear. The noise. And then the pain, and nothing.

I looked out to sea. The sun was just setting beneath the horizon. It would soon be completely dark. The temperature was already falling. I needed to find the others. But where were they?

Wandering back to the remains of the camp, I heard a groan. Something rustled underneath a fern.

"Hello? Are you alright?"

I peered closer. From underneath the vegetation, a man struggled to lift himself up onto his elbows. He looked a bit like a scientist, due mainly to the unseasonal white coat he was wearing. His face was full of pain.

"My leg, my leg!" He cried. "Ahhhh It hurts!"

"Hey, hold steady, you're gonna be okay..." I tried to reassure him.

"Here, take this..." I handed him the only thing I had - a textbook on the development of the Komnenian army, 1081-1180 (with some interesting battle descriptions, including an analysis of the Myriokephalon campaign of 1176, in which emperor Manuel attempted to capture the Seljuk capital at Konya. Anyway, back to the story...)

"What!? What is this!!? I need bandages, medicine and fresh water! Not some useless text b...."

He broke off in mid sentence. Slowly, a smile began to spread across his face.

"So, you're interested in Byzantine history..." he said. "Who are you?"

"My name is Bigdaddy. I was on the ship. And yes, as a matter of fact I am. Actually, I happen to be doing my dissertation on emperor John II Komnenos..."

"Excellent choice!" he replied, "Sorry I didn't introduce myself. My name is Seleukos."

"Nice to meet you."

"You too. I'm glad you came along. I don't know if I could manage by myself, with this leg. It's causing me a lot of pain. I'm not sure if I can walk. What happened to the Elephants? Are they gone yet?"

"I don't know. They wrecked our camp. The others are gone. I was trying to look for any references to Elephant Flotillas in the index of my book, but before I could find anything they knocked me unconscious. You're the first person I've found."

"Do you think you could fetch me some water?"

"Of course. I'll see what I can do". I headed back to the camp, wondering if any of the stores had survived the Elephant attack.

Seleukos tried to stand. The pain in his leg was too much, and he was forced to sit back down again. Then he gazed out towards the sea. The Moon was casting a faint silver reflection across the dark ocean. In the gathering gloom, he thought he could just make out the large, round shapes of Elephants, floating silently on the gentle tide...
avatar
Big Daddy 1204
Who cares about titles? Let's go talk about 5th c. AD Roman ceramics!
Who cares about titles? Let's go talk about 5th c. AD Roman ceramics!

Number of posts : 1301
Age : 30
Location : London
Registration date : 2008-02-13

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: STRANDED!!!

Post by Raja Sagan the Caker on 2008-02-27, 18:24

The Lord of the Fora

My nose twitched. I mumbled through cracked lips, then the smell hit me. It was like a physical force, a punch to the gut - i vomited all over the rocks, not much - i hadn't eaten for ... i couldn't even remember how long.

I got up and covered my nose w/ my hand, i found a fragrant flower and held it over my nose - even then sickening stench tainted the sweet nectar. The sun was quite high in the sky, so i must have slept for awhile, the sea had retreated with the tide and left a huddle of rather sheepish looking sea turtles flopping about. I peered past their comical waddles, and gasped.

The ocean, for as far as you could see from this low vantage, was a dirty scarlet, a massive bloodstain which had begun to rot in the heat so that the sea breeze brought, as it wafted over the island, the oppressive stench of death. Salted death.

I was puzzled and frightened, why would the ocean fill with blood? What kind of an island was this?

A sudden sense of loneliness took me, and the shadows of the jungle seemed to loom towards me - though it must've just been the wind. I turned and headed down the beach to where i had last seen troubled my companions, perhaps my Volksie will have returned? On my way i grabbed a coconut and smashed it open upon some rocks, i quickly drank down the refreshing juice - hmmm, might not be too bad mixed w/ vodka.

As i walked along, absorbed in my pursuit of the last droplets of coconut water, i was oblivious to the intensifying smell and of a peculiar sound as of thousands of gigantic bandsaws on at once. Then at last i came around a coconut tree and beheld the site in the bay. I didn't even notice when i dropped the coconut on my foot.

Sprawled over an area not much larger than a soccer field were piled the carcasses of 100 000 elephants, another several hundred pachydermal cadavers floated in the sea, their expanding internal gases bloating their bodies to grotesque proportions. Blood poured down to the sea in rivulets that turned to streams that turned to full-fledged proto-rivers of deepest scarlet. The elephants were so thickly laid about, that there were actually several large towers - one must have been several hundred elephants high, while another (aiming for a more proposterous several thousand) had toppled over into the sea like some morbid tower of Babel.

The buzzing was the sound of the insects*, flies the size of baseballs gorged on the liquescent flesh, actively competing with the very vocal crows that descended from on high. Here the smell felt as solid as a wall, like a physical object that prevented forward movement - needless to say my flower had shrivelled up and died under the assault.

But then i saw, amidst the scattered bodies, two small moving figures. At first, amidst the gargantuan architecture of the fallen elephants, i had believed them to be oversized flies, but indeed as i saw them move about it became apparent that they were humans - and so i, tentatively, approached...

--------------

*if i'd looked closer i would have seen that many of them wore rather extravagant hats that would have seriously challenged those at ascot for sheer preposterousness.

_________________
IN THE NAME OF ST SEL, PATRON SAINT OF THE DEF!!!!

"I must have some booze. I demand to have some booze."
"I feel like a pig shat in my head."
avatar
Raja Sagan the Caker
Minister of Icing - Beard-at-arms - Demigod - Admin
Minister of Icing - Beard-at-arms - Demigod - Admin

Number of posts : 4869
Age : 28
Location : The Land of Ice and Snow
Registration date : 2008-02-12

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: STRANDED!!!

Post by Elephant Flotilla on 2008-03-06, 19:16

EF wondered why the hell he ended up with these freaks.

The Canuck and Aussie seemed to be quite gay, and in a very strange way. He would hear frequent mentions of "cake". Quite puzzling...

There was a South African with an impressive red beard. So long it was, that EF was quite suprised it was so tidy and neat. He must be hiding a comb from us...

There was one who appeared to be from the 11th or 12th century of Byzantine history. He would speak incessantly of the Komnenian restoration and the composition of the Byzantine army. At appeared to be rather sane compared to the others (especially the gay couple).

There was a very feminine Greek called Seleukos, if he did not have a beard, he would have thought him a woman. For some reason, he would never blink....

There was one "Alexios", who also was rather knowledgeable in Byzantine history, yet he was obviously American.

There was a Turk who was completely insane. I mean this one was raving about molesting rock apes and eating bat-shit. Always sexually active with strange objects, he was mostly a loner. He also had a scraggly unkempt beard that reaked. He wanted to set it on fire it disgusted him so. EF stayed away from this loon...

There were several others, but then he found his new life: Elephants.

He had discovered a group of them on the island, and would approach them every day, and stay with them 5 minutes more each day, until he was able to sleep with them at night. He would not return to the camp ever again, where daily he feared that someone would snap and take the machete at night...

Eventually, he began to assert himself among the elephants. Slowly but surely, he became the Lord of the Elephants. He bred them (and strangely enough, it seems they made sexual advances--he had any males castrated [these seemed to be bad breeding stock], and aggressive females would get "the pike"), and improved their quality of life through elephant shoes, and medicinal herbs for the sick. The survivors seemed to remain in stagnation, barely clinging on to life. But one day they saw... they envied the life of the elephant. They would raid our stores of bananas and guavas constantly. The Turk even tried to rape a juvenile.

Then, one day, they stalked an elephant and killed it. I could not allow them to harm my Flotilla, and thus, they must perish. The Elephant wars had begun.

In the night, as they were sleeping in their crude fortifications, I send a dozen of his strongest males, with himself riding on Dozer (my personal elephant, he eventually became the role of the heir to the throne, and had breeding rights to any females whom he fancied). I would not kill them... yet. That would be unnecessary... quite unnecessary! He would terrify them first, and hope that they learn their lesson. The elephants assembled on the beach as silently as possible, and in a second charged. They trampled the tents and tipped fires onto their work. The whole shantytown was in panic--the elephants had trampled one by accident. After they had completely scattered, they headed for a bath in the ocean--Hokeida kept watch. It would be a long night.

The sound of elephants permeated the night.
avatar
Elephant Flotilla
Chief Pachyderm - Constable of Jerusalem

Number of posts : 1566
Location : A theatre near you!
Registration date : 2008-02-16

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: STRANDED!!!

Post by Raja Sagan the Caker on 2008-03-06, 20:16

as i approached the figures, i recognized one of them as sel - the typical all-knowing effeminate greek. i called out to him asking what had happened during the night, he seemed glad to see me, and called back.

"the elephants charged us, but alexios killed them all with his machine gun, as you can see," he gave an expressive wave, his voice sounding nasal because a thick kerchief was kept over it at all times, "then the little jungle men kidnapped some of our party - alexios and aeraaa have gone off to hunt them down."

i cast my eyes dolefully about, "what a sad sight, to see such magnificent creatures broken up upon this once pure shore, graceful and stately - yet here they lie amidst the surf, blood washing from their ruined frames..."

but for the smell, i would have weeped...

_________________
IN THE NAME OF ST SEL, PATRON SAINT OF THE DEF!!!!

"I must have some booze. I demand to have some booze."
"I feel like a pig shat in my head."
avatar
Raja Sagan the Caker
Minister of Icing - Beard-at-arms - Demigod - Admin
Minister of Icing - Beard-at-arms - Demigod - Admin

Number of posts : 4869
Age : 28
Location : The Land of Ice and Snow
Registration date : 2008-02-12

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: STRANDED!!!

Post by Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

View previous topic View next topic Back to top

- Similar topics

 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum